I, Catherine W, do solemnly promise that I will cease and desist from attempting to write, proofread (ha!) and publish whole blog posts during Reuben's morning nap.
This results in blog posts that . . .
(a) are full of half baked ideas such as comparing life to a penguin race. Sigh.
(b) contain misspelt and/or made-up words. Such as, for instance, your's. Sigh.
(c) do not contain various essential words and/or paragraphs. Thus rendering the whole post a nonsense. If the post in its entirety is not already rendered a nonsense from the get-go, please see (a) above. Sigh.
I will try to write more slowly and let things lurk in the 'draft' section for a while instead of rushing to hit publish as soon as I've typed out the last sentence. Badly.
I've noticed that my comments are moving down scarily similar lines. I'm sorry. It makes me wince sometimes when I happen upon my own misspelled and incoherent words visited upon other innocent blogs. But my heart is in the right place, please believe me. Even if my words are often . . not quite right.
My blogging and commenting is often done on the basis of 'it's now or never.'
And much as you may prefer never, I do still need to come and dump out the contents of my tiny brain here. Half baked ideas and spelling errors and all.
Oh my goodness, you are so hard on yourself, my dear! Your writing is so very powerful and gorgeous, and I thought that from the very first post of yours that I read a few months ago. You write so much of what I feel, but in a more poetic way. You? Tiny brain? Not even.
ReplyDeleteEveryone commits the occasional typo. And you don't always have to make complete sense (though I can tell you that every post of yours that I've read so far has me responding with "Yes!") because this is *your* blog.
I have to confess that I go back and correct typos and grammar or I change a word or two that clarifies my meaning, but usually only in the first hour after publishing. Then I tend to leave it alone because there's only so much obsessing I can do before I completely exhaust myself. I considered whether or not I "should" do this, but it's *my* blog and I'll do what I want. **stamps foot** ;)
MissingMolly - I'm so glad that I am not the only one who goes back to correct typos (I wish I had the skills to correct my grammar!) I just suddenly felt so ashamed today because I want everything to be 'right' for Georgina and for Molly. If that makes any sense? Even if it is just the words that we write in remembrance.
DeleteI understand. At times I feel ashamed, too, because it seems like I never adequately express what's in my heart. That I would ever use cliches to describe my feelings for my daughter makes me cringe, but I have. Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed and submerged in my grief that it's all I can muster. But Molly deserves better than that, damnit.
DeleteI'm hard on myself, too.
What I did not notice:
ReplyDeletespelling/grammar errors
half-baked ideas
nonsense
tiny brains
What I did:
Gratefulness
For you
For your words
For your word pictures
For your ability to make connections I miss
For your connections sorting out feelings I didn't know I had
For your not being silent when I don't know where to start
Until I read your post
And then I have to say something.
Cathy in Missouri
Thank you Cathy. I just read back that penguin post and felt cross with myself. I'm just so determined that I am going to squeeze everything in that I'm worried that I start to lose sight of whether I am only managing to do everything at the cost of doing everything rather badly? But thank you for noticing only the good parts. Truly. xo
DeleteOh please don't be so hard on yourself. Writing is about having a safe space to pour out whatever has brewed to the surface.. and sometimes it's not all cathartic and life- revealing. Sometimes you get penguins.. and luckily they are cute. ;o)
ReplyDeletexo..
Brewed to the surface. Exactly! I love that description. And I've obviously spent far too long watching racing penguins lately!
Deletei just love to read anything you write. and even though i haven't been around much that will always hold true, friend.
ReplyDeletexoxo
lis
Thank you lis. Thinking of you and your little ones so much xo
DeleteWhat Cathy said.
ReplyDeleteMy last post went up with a whole paragraph (or two?) missing. I only noticed when I went back and looked a few days later. And I had so many nice comments. And they must have been wondering what planet I was on when I wrote it.
You always make plenty of sense to me. TOO much sense, as if your'e inhabiting my own headspace!
xo
I glad I'm not the only one who manages to publish whole posts with bits missing! There just isn't always enough time to organise my thoughts and things tend to get poured out and published without much checking!
DeleteTotally second Cathy here... don't be hard on yourself, you write so beautifully. And as for spelling-errors: does it help if I say I never noticed them (says the non-native, haha). Besides that: penguins are just the cutest creatures. xo
ReplyDeleteThe fact that English isn't your native language never ceases to absolutely blow my mind. Thank you for being so understanding x
DeleteCatherine, when I notice you've published a new post, I don't always read it straight away, I save it until I have time to read it and enjoy every word. You write beautifully, you are intelligent and graceful and every word is testament to your love of Georgina. Please don't be so hard on yourself...and oh yes, I love your comments. :0)
ReplyDeleteThank you Jeanette. I misspelt a word on a comment on your blog, a comment I really wanted to make, that left making absolutely no sense whatsoever! Argh! xo
DeleteI write a lot of my comments on my phone, late at night and when I re-read them later...I am just SO embarrrrassssseeeed! But I figure...maybe they will figure out what I am saying. My phone auto corrects and that is not always a good thing. I would much rather you post than not because I think you're the BOMB :) I am not judging you...haha
ReplyDeleteThank you Renel. I also often write late at night when I'm tired and my brain-fingers connection isn't working too well. Thank you for not judging my weird ideas, like penguin races and inventing words and so on xo
DeleteYou know I kinda liked the penguin race analogy...I am also guilty of publishing without thinking or languishing in drafts for awhile. I'm glad I can revisit and edit, as I did with my very last post about miracles...would love if you would revisit it too, I think you might like the additions.
ReplyDeleteEm, your additions to that post were beautiful. As you know, 'miracle' is a word fit to tear me in two and it was interesting and heartbreaking to read your take on it in the light of your experiences with Eva. Thinking of you xo
DeleteI really loved your penguin post & didn't notice misspellings or typos, though I often find them on my own posts & get grumpy with myself. I know some writers blog with very finished pieces, but it's a relief to me that not everyone does. I usually get an hour a day to pry words from my brain & arrange them into some sort of order so I tell myself (frequently) that polished thoughts aren't always necessary.
ReplyDeleteOf course, if these are your unpolished thoughts, Catherine, I may have to work rather hard to not be *too* horribly jealous of your writerly talents.
Thank you Erica. I certainly do get grumpy with myself when I notice all the mistakes but you're right. Polished thoughts aren't necessary, especially when operating under time constraints! If I was speaking, I'd be blurting it all out and then running away!
DeleteOh, keep writing - whenever, where ever. Because as everyone has already said, your writing is beautiful. It's full of feeling, heart and depth, and I'm certainly not a critic of grammar and/or spelling (granted, I'm not very skilled in either).
ReplyDeleteNeither am I! I gave up on grammar a long, long time ago. Thank you for your kind words xo
DeleteThis post cracked me up, Catherine. I think all of your writing is just swell and I think that the Penguin Race post made a lot of sense. This is exactly the problem with neonatal loss--there's nothing to hold onto. You try to pull yourself out of the funk but there aren't any good memories to use as handholds and one day you find yourself feeling kinship with plastic penguins on a twisty slide. And then declaring it to the world. Oh, the frustration.
ReplyDeleteI've written two squirrel-centric posts. I totally understand.
Ah you see I loved the squirrel-centric posts, I remember them well.
DeleteThank you for understanding my daft Penguin Race idea. Something about that little guy plunging about with no eyes was just too close to how I often feel to simply ignore him!
That is the strangeness of it all, that I feel the kinship of penguin-hood and I've written about it because my life seems to have taken a few strange turns. Heaven alone knows what old me would make of new me? I suspect she'd run away wondering what the hell had happened?
Gosh, I've made the mistake of re-reading over old posts of mine and cringing - but I promised myself to try to write whatever drivel is wanting to surface - warts and all.
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth, I've never thought anything negative about your posts - I think you are articulate and your words always capture things so beautifully. Keep writing!
I liked that post! But then I'm a bit of a half-baked ideas girl myself. And I'm still in admiration that you actually manage to write posts - especially given that I'm not great at posting regularly. The inside of your brain is an amazing place Catherine - thanks for sharing it with us!
ReplyDeleteI loved the penguin post. I've only just read it which is why I'm commenting here and not there but I like posts that make me smile and sigh and maybe laugh and cry a bit - you're really good at them, Catherine. You still write and you still write beautifully - I have gone blog-mute and I don't like it much.
ReplyDeleteI'd like it stated in the record that I enjoy reading what you write even if it's not up to your (rather high, mind you) standards. I'm pretty sure all my writing is garbled, full of grammatical errors (and I was an English major in college!) and doesn't make much sense. But yours? Always beautiful and lovely to read. xx
ReplyDelete