I actually enjoyed doing the first one so much that I wanted to try reading a few more posts out loud. But I see that I haven't managed even a single one over the past year so perhaps it is supposed to be only an annual thing for me.
Just to let you know that it has been over four years since my daughter, Georgina, died. She was one of non-identical twin girls and this post is a reflection about my experiences raising her surviving sister, Jessica, and her younger brother, Reuben. Just thought that I should say that up front in case living children are not who you may want to hear about at this point in time.
So here goes . . . .and yes, I am as tired as I look.
I swear my eyes are slowly disappearing into my head.
Oh, my Friend
ReplyDeleteI thought of something
while listening
which
is that, Georgina,
every day of her life
(lived here)
had
among all other Mother gifts
the ever-present
calming
loving
cherishing
softening
soothing
gentling
tones
dulcet
tones
of your Voice~~
whose every hue
cast
and timbre
embraces a
c
o
s
m
o
s
.
.
.
CiM
Thank you my dear CiM. I hope she heard me. I used to read to the twins, before they were born. I'm glad I did x
DeleteShe heard you.
DeleteHer ears - you saw them.
There is no voice she knows better than yours.
I'm glad you read, too.
My girl watched your video with me - and was so excited to see this CW she's heard so much about. xoxo
CiM
Stunning, beautiful. Catherine, you are beautiful. thank you for reading this piece. I loved it when you wrote it, and I love it more hearing you read it aloud. x
ReplyDeleteThank you Jeanette. I love hearing yours too x
DeleteWow Catherine.
ReplyDeleteYou're an amazing writer. And you are an extrememly gifted story teller.
You have the voice I want to hear stories with. You have *real* *bleeding* *loving* emotions pouring from your every sylable.
This post was lovely, and sad, and magical to read. To feel with you. But to hear you ... hear you put everything just so... it's squeezed my heart tonight.
You read your words aloud alomost exactly as I read them to myself... in my head... with your voice. So so beautiful.
I love that you speak about Georgina here. I will never tire of it.
Thank you Veronica. It is how life is now? It is sad because she died. But it is also magical and lovely. It is . . . just so. Because it is the only way that it can be.
DeleteThank you for listening to me 'speak' about my daughter. I appreciate it more than I can ever say x
Catherine, (love your name by the way because my daughter is named Lily Katherine) :)
ReplyDeleteThis just gives me chills. I agree with what Veronica said exactly. You are truly an amazing writer. It's writing like yours that inspires me to write better. And you are an amazing story teller. I want you to read me some books lol.
I was so captivated by your voice and words and couldn't wait to hear what came next.
You honor and mother your precious Jessica beautifully.
And you are beautiful yourself...inside and out. It is definitely special to put a face and voice to your blog/name. I love your cute accent! I live in the United States and we have boring voices lol. But, I like to pretend I have fun accents ;)
Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your daughter.
Love and hugs, Hannah Rose
Ah you see Hannah Rose, to us in the UK, it is YOU that have the fun accents.
DeleteMy dear, I am so, so sorry for the loss of your Lily Katherine. And I do hope that you will be recording your own post for this project.
Sorry, but we all know the cool accents reside
Deleteoutside
the
US :)
CiM
I love this project... It's so special to hear you speak speak her name. See your face as you describe that day, and all that it made you think of. Really beautiful piece. Well done for participating... I'm not sure I'm ready...(Bit of a chicken in front of a camera).
ReplyDeleteI was chicken last year but, this year, I just did it in one go! Probably because everyone had already seen what I looked like and sounded like last year!
DeleteI would love to hear your voice but I know it is . . . . scary?
The recording process, not your voice, obviously!
DeleteI sit here and I am in tears. This piece was exactly what I needed to hear tonight. You spoke my innermost thoughts. My soul aches for my daughter and all the experiences I will never have with her. The thoughts and imaginings are pronounced against the reality of the two children who I get to mother physically. The stark reality is very harsh sometimes...most times. I think of you by the pond blackberries in hand with your children calling out to you. It is beautiful this life...our children...and dreadfully painful without the daughter we both should have, but don't. Your calm sweet voice so matches what you write. I love it. I wish you had Georgina with you. This post was so much better when read...mostly because I loved you reading it. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteAh Renel. I've been thinking of you and C and H so much lately. There is a particular tug on my heart when there is a daughter here and a daughter gone.
DeleteSometimes it is the vast difference that just hurts. So amazingly and painfully.
Catherine, this is beautiful
ReplyDeleteI haven't commented on your blog before, but I did want to say the comments you leave over on mine mean the world to me. Hearing from you makes me feel like I can do this to. Thank you, my dear.
this post was amazing. I was struck once again by how calming your voice is. I could have listened to you talk forever. Maybe that's also because I felt myself nodding along with every word. I wish I had had more experiences with my Mia, that there was something we shared.
Thank you for sharing.
Oh Emily. You might not want to, it might feel as though you can't, but you can do this. I wish I could say it would be easy. But you'd know I was lying.
DeleteI wish you could have shared more experiences with your dear Mia. Thank you for being so kind about my comments. Sometimes I worry that I am intruding, as I am quite 'old' in this blog world.
Thinking of you and your beautiful girl xo
My life is better for having you in it.
ReplyDeletexo
As mine is for having you in it, my dear friend xo
DeleteThis was beautiful Catherine. Thank you. It's a terrible rainy day in Vancouver and my heart feels heavy and my girl feels very gone and somehow this was the perfect thing to listen to today...
ReplyDeleteOh March. It's rainy here too and it has been a long, dark day.
DeleteSome days they just feel so terribly. . . . gone. Just so gone.
Sending love to you and remembering your dear A xo
Lovely to see you and hear your voice. Magic, I tell ya. Thanks for sharing this with us. xo
ReplyDeleteThank you skytimes. Sure you don't fancy doing another spoken word yourself? Tempt, tempt ;)
DeleteBeautiful, Catherine.
ReplyDeleteYou are gorgeous and charming, and it broke my heart to see the haunted, sad look in your eyes as you continued to read. I wish you knew nothing of sadness.
<3 Georgina <3
I wish the very same for you my dear xo
DeleteYou take my breath away, Catherine. This grief can be so overwhelming in the missing of our babies in the presence of the little ones that are here, and these experiences we are blessed to have with them. These blessings can feel so tainted. x
ReplyDeleteThank you Kate. You've been on my mind a lot lately. And it is a strange thing. Sometimes there is when I miss her most, when I am at my happiest. Because I just wish that she were here so very much. To experience the boring, mundane, extraordinary stuff that is the core of human life.
DeleteCatherine this was beyond lovely. First I watched your video from last October. To watch and listen to both videos back to back was especially powerful. Thank you for participating in this project.
ReplyDeleteAnd you have an outstanding voice and cadence. Seriously you could narrate documentaries or read audio books!
Oh thank you Pieces of Me. That is so kind of you to say so.
DeleteSo wonderful to hear your voice Catherine and what a lucky little girl Georgina is to hear it in her heart.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jessica. Fancy joining in yourself? Tempt, tempt. I would love to hear one of your posts read aloud x
DeleteBeautiful Catherine. Just beautiful...
ReplyDeleteAnd might I question - tired?! If I could look like you tired, I'd be so happy. I'm already getting anxious about how to light my face if I record a post. Is that a terrible thing to admit? xx Louise
No, I put on some of that 'under eye' concealer stuff before I recorded mine. Don't think it helped though :)
DeleteI often quietly stalk your blog -- reading your beautiful words, nodding my head in agreement, and crying hard almost every time -- but I never have anything new or profound or wonderful to say in response. But upon seeing that, I just have to say thank you. Thank you for being so raw and honest and real, and for your willingness to always share the nature and bounds of your experience and your grief. I think I can speak for many when I say that you, along with a number of other amazing bloggers, make all of us who read feel a little less alone in our sadness. Thank you for such a beautiful spoken blog. I'm still mopping up my eyes as I type.
ReplyDeleteSteph xo (Mother to Zander, born 30/09/2008, died 30/09/2008 from Bilateral Renal Agenesis)
Thank you for your kind words, Steph. I am so very sorry for the loss of your Zander.
DeleteBlogging is such a strange thing, I often feel that I am pouring my heart out into the ear of a stranger as I never really know who is reading or why they ended up in this particular corner of the internet.
But I think that you comment sums up all the reasons why I am still writing here. Because I don't want to be alone in my sadness. And I hope to make others feel accompanied too x
Well, keep on writing. Your blog is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteSteph xo
Your face, your voice, it just shines out with the love you pour out for your three children. The world is a better place for having you in it.
ReplyDelete