Part of me sits indoors, in a room made suddenly rich with pink roses. They are the most glorious flowers I have ever seen, the perfect colour, the perfect scent.
Part of me sits outside in the snow. Waiting for my other daughter to come home. I'm waiting in the very spot where we said goodbye. It's going to be a long wait.
Monday, 20 October 2014
Small comfort
'The thing is - nature is so exact, it hurts exactly as much as it is worth, so in a way one relishes the pain, I think. If it didn't matter, it wouldn't matter.' from Levels of Life, Julian Barnes
This is so perfect. It explains why it is sooo overwhelmin and something that you never get over completely. Thank You! I wish I had the gift of words and could put this feeling of how big it really is into words so others could understand how even 9 years later it is still painful. I certainly have gotten good at living with it for the most part, but it is always there, just like a part of Logen is always there with me. I still ache to say his name and have it spoken out loud to me. It is so rare to hear anymore, but I think of him everyday. Love to you, Catherine, thanks for being a cyber friend on this awful journey.
"We grieve in character." The beginning of another proper truth in this magnificent Barnes' book. And when you feel your way of grieving is looked upon with scorn by another, that it is in fact slightly sneered at, you scuttle into some hole and take ages to emerge.
This is so perfect. It explains why it is sooo overwhelmin and something that you never get over completely. Thank You! I wish I had the gift of words and could put this feeling of how big it really is into words so others could understand how even 9 years later it is still painful. I certainly have gotten good at living with it for the most part, but it is always there, just like a part of Logen is always there with me. I still ache to say his name and have it spoken out loud to me. It is so rare to hear anymore, but I think of him everyday. Love to you, Catherine, thanks for being a cyber friend on this awful journey.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this quote, Catherine. It's beautiful. Our hearts know. They just know. It matters so much. It matters the most.
ReplyDelete"We grieve in character." The beginning of another proper truth in this magnificent Barnes' book. And when you feel your way of grieving is looked upon with scorn by another, that it is in fact slightly sneered at, you scuttle into some hole and take ages to emerge.
ReplyDelete