But I have to say that I do feel better for airing my grudges. I've been nursing that first one for a long time.
So you probably haven't seen the last of grinchy old Catherine W.
In fact, you've positively encouraged me to get rid of my small heartedness via my blog.
I think that Anna hit the nail on the head in her comment.
I've somehow lost the distinction between someone who is making me angry and someone who is only, in truth, annoying me. I think both of these incidents only actually annoyed me.
If I'd been feeling less vulnerable or had a lower 'base line' of anger at the time they occurred I wouldn't be so cross about them now. Still. Sigh.
I tend to hover around the edges. I do read, and comment on, quite a number of blogs but always with greater or lesser degrees of uncertainty as to whether I should be there or not.
2 | Why did you begin blogging, or reading blogs? Was this before or after your experience of babyloss?
I started reading blogs about six months or so after Georgina died. Prior to that, I’m not entirely sure that I even knew what a blog was.
3 | Do you write anonymously? Does anonymity - or would anonymity - change your expression of grief?
Not particularly anonymously. Catherine is my real name and W is my real initial. Georgina Jane and Jessica Clair are the real names of my children. A lot of people who read here know my full name. With hindsight, perhaps I would rather have written anonymously but I don’t think it would change the way I write, or what I choose and do not choose to write about, a great deal.
4 | Do you have a responsibility in how you express yourself on the internet? To whom, and why?
5 | Do authenticity and honesty matter to you, both as a reader and a writer? Or does unconditional support matter more? How do you think readers perceive your truth?
I strive to be honest. But there are some things that I don’t want to write about in relation to this experience. Or talk about. I suppose that is a kind of lying by omission.
6 | Have you ever been in the crosshairs of a troll? How did you deal with it, and what did you learn from it?
I’ve never had a troll here. In some ways, I think a troll turning up here, at my blog, and writing horrible things directed at me would bother me less than it does when they attack someone whose writing I hold dear. I feel that responding to them directly would be adding fuel to the fire so I usually try to ignore them and just hope they’ll go away.
7 | How do you feel before going online - either to write on your own blog, or to absorb the writing of others? How do you feel when you shut down the computer and walk away?
When I go to write my own blog, I usually feel as though I am not coping. That the usual background hum of premature birth and NICU and death is beginning to overwhelm my thoughts in my everyday life. I don’t really have anywhere else to discuss the issues that I write about on my blog.
8 | Do family/friends know you write/commune online? If so, have they told you how they feel about it? How do you respond to their opinions?
My husband, mother and younger sister know. They haven’t really told me how they feel and, as far as I know, they don’t read here. I expect I must be hoping that they might, as I’ve told them that this blog exists?
9 | Have you ever met any other loss bloggers in real-life? How did it feel to share food and air and space, and how did it make you feel about your own storytelling and healing? If you haven't experienced this, would you want to, or not? Why?
Yes I have. I felt very privileged to have simply popped out of a computer screen and invaded this particularly lovely woman’s house. I just knocked on the door and said “Here I am. It’s Catherine W from the internetz.”
10 | How did you/will you know it's time to read fewer grief blogs, and write less of grief? How did you/will you redirect your energy, creativity, and persona online -- did you/will you go offline? Disappear and start again? Or transition in your current space, hoping to find a new voice? If you've done this, how did it feel?