Thursday, 7 October 2010

Falling behind

Oh dear. I haven't done too well at the thirty posts in thirty days meme.

I find that days in the office tend to result in getting little else done, apart from basic feeding and watering of my little family. By the time I do get to the computer, I get caught up in reading blogs until my eyes start to close and my husband is shouting "Stop reading blogs!" from our bedroom.

I'm going to try and catch up . . .

Day 2 - a movie that helped you get through the hard times, or one that jumps out at you after your loss.
Not so much an entire movie as much as a scene.
Quite appropriate really given that my attention span is now zip.

The scene is from Three Colours - Blue. It is the story of Julie who loses her husband and her daughter in a car accident. In this scene, Julie scraps her hand along a stone wall. It is a famous scene as the actress playing Julie, Juliette Binoche, did not wear protective covering over her hand and drew real blood. You can see the scene here starting at about 1:40 in.

I saw this film before Georgina died but now I find that I recognise myself in that scene.

Day 3 - a television program that helped you either get through hard times or that moves you.
Because I have problems with my attention span when it comes to watching movies, DVD boxsets could have been made for me. I could not have got through the initial weeks and months after the birth of the girls without them.

Whilst Jessica was in hospital I had to express milk every three to four hours. This was no problem during the day as the hospital had pumps and a room to sit and express in. But, although I appreciate that I was so incredibly lucky to be doing it, I struggled at night time. The house was so quiet, nothing had changed and yet everything had. Our daughters, who we'd been so excited about meeting, weren't home. One of them was never going to come home.
I'd shuffle downstairs and stick my hands in the cold water sterilizer to get the pump and the bottles out. I used to look out of the window and see my neighbour's lights on. I'd wonder what was keeping them up at this hour.
Then I'd fill the pockets of my dressing gown with biscuits and make a cup of tea, switch the TV on, switch the pump and settle in.

Believe me, it makes it a whole lot easier to get out of bed in the middle of the night to go and spend time with a machine, if you have a good episode of something to look forward to. And biscuits.

During the four months Jessica was in hospital I watched. . .
House M.D.
Gossip Girl
Mad Men
The Wire
The West Wing
Dead Like Me
The 4400
Prison Break

A TV show that I absolutely love is Six Feet Under. I have the complete box set on DVD and I've been meaning to watch it again for a while. But I just can't face it quite yet.

I wonder what my own family's version of this finale will look like? Sadly, I already know how, and when, it ends for one of us. She's gone. And those of us left here hurtle onwards.

Until we don't.


  1. I, too, am familiar with the healing power of bicuits. Chocolate-covered digestives to be specific.
    I so wish we did not have the wounds that require them.
    I've heard The Office is good. Never watched it but plan on getting that particular boxed set myself.

  2. God I love those movies. And Blue is my favorite of them. That is scene is breathtaking, isn't it? And Six Feet Under is one of my favorite shows ever.

  3. Stopping in to say I am thinking of you.

    I used to watch tv in the middle of the night too while pumping. Pumping for the NICU was so hard.

  4. A couple of random things:

    The Wire and Six Feet Under are my favorite shows of all time.

    The apartment complex in 6 Feet Under that Bren lives in when she dates the musician (horn player?) is right around the corner from my place. I see it nearly everyday.

    I have watched that ending and/or listened to that Sia song dozens and dozens of times since George died. It breaks my heart every single time and it makes me wonder what our finale will look like too.

    That part where Ruth sees her son, Nate...

    I wish I believed that would happen for me one day too.

  5. Gossip Girl = my medicine. Wow, your post brings back memories of just staring at the TV in those days post-hospital.

    Thank goddess for Chuck Bass.

  6. I wonder too, what my family's ending will look like. And am reminded that none of us are promised anything--not long life, not peace, not what we plan.

  7. I said 6 Feet Under too. I'm just coming up to the end of the last season, was a struggle not to watch that vid!