Tuesday 25 August 2009

A Year Ago

A year ago today.

I was very happy. I was looking forward to meeting my daughters.
I didn't realise that this meeting would not happen on the 19th of December.
Or the more probable time of late November as twins often come early. So I've been told.

It would happen the very next day. Tomorrow morning, a year ago.

The two halves of my life hang from this pivot. Limp and useless, flapping in the breeze. They dangle down either side of these four days. The 26th, the 27th, the 28th and the 29th of August 2008.

I wish that I could reach back through time and twist it.
To change the course of events.
Those events that seem so inevitable now but would have been unthinkable a year ago today.

Surely my yearning and my love is strong enough.
Occasionally I feel certain that time cannot stand a chance against me.
It is only time after all, time is such a flimsy thing.
What can it do but pass?

But it is too strong for me.

A year ago. How can it be a year?

16 comments:

  1. I wish I could go back too. To those days when I might have been able to do something to prevent all this. ((hugs))

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  2. Oh Catherine, I have said many times that if love alone could have saved our babies then they would be here now. Our love is so strong it ought to be able to change the course of our histories - so strange that it can't.

    Thinking of you and Georgina and Jessica these coming days and every day.

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  3. I keep revisiting the disbelief too as Ezra's 1 year anniversary approaches on the 29th. Thinking of your sweet Georgina on her day and always.

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  4. It goes so fast. Give Jessica a big birthday kiss from me tomorrow, and know that I'll be holding Georgina in my heart in that warm little spot next to Iris.

    Buckets and buckets of love to you my darling friend xx

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  5. Big hugs and much love. I wish I could do more. xo

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  6. thinking of you and your daughters as you relieve the simultaneously magical and terrifying events of last year.

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  7. Your beautiful girls. Oh, Catherine, a year. It just isn't fair.

    I love that phrase of wishing you could reach back in time and twist it.

    Remembering Georgina and holding you, your husband and Jessica close tomorrow.

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  8. Oh Catherine, I know. Thinking of both your lovely daughters right now.
    xo

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  9. Oh Catherine I wish you would have met your beautiful girls in November or December for the first time. I wish little Georgina was here with you and that sweet Jessica would not have had to spend all those days in the NICU. If I could change it for you I would my friend...I would change it for ALL of us. Thinkg of you on these difficult days.
    Much Love.

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  10. How many time I have thought, wished, prayed I could change what happened...and how much it hurts, the painful truth that I cannot. Thinking of you and the anniversary of your precious little girls' birth. I hope you can find enough comfort in Jessica to get through this bitter-sweet time.

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  11. I am thinking of you on this bittersweet day. I cannot imagine what it must be like for you. I'm sending you love and hugs from here.
    So much love,
    LIndsay

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  12. and now we walk in this strange, alternate universe... the veil seems so thin, and yet there is no crossing it. I, too, long for it.

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  13. I remember thinking how Nick and Sophie would be born in June... Gemini's like their mom... They were due July 17 but we were told to prepare for June 17 since "twins come early". When they were born and it was snowing... Well, February wasnt what we had in mind for "early"...

    Sending you big hugs...

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  14. Time. I too wish it was less triumphant. I am remembering Georgina with you and just holding you up in this mess of days and emotions.

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  15. hi again, catherine. i chose you for an "honest scrap" award. if you'd like to participate, you can check out my blog for details. xo

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  16. i've been catching up on my blogs, i apologize for being so late. i hope the last few days have not been to hard on you. a year. your family is in my heart, as always, i hope you know that.
    i keep going back to those days, while Leila was slowly dying and nobody knew. wishing i could go back and do things differently. i too know so well the desire to change time. it kills me that there is absolutely nothing i can do to time, except let it pass.

    (((big hugs)))

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