Thursday, 9 July 2009

Disbelief

In March of last year, my husband and I decided to try for a baby. So innocent. So optimistic.
Bu August of that year, we had two children.
By September, one surviving child.

Disbelief.
Bewilderment.

Grateful. Devastated.
Demolished. Elated.

I still can't believe that I was once pregnant.
It feels imagined, dreamt, pretended.
Such tiny children. So precious. So beloved. So cherished.
It all happened too quickly.
I wasn't concentrating. I wasn't paying enough attention. I didn't enjoy every single second. I was too busy being frightened.
I didn't have a chance to appreciate what I had. What I have.
My amazing, beautiful children.
Can I start again please? Please?
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9 comments:

  1. margaret9 July 2009 at 16:50

    Me too. I definitely would like another chance at my last pregnancy. I would cherish every second. Hugs

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  2. Hope's Mama9 July 2009 at 16:59

    I can't believe it either. That I did all of that for 40 weeks, and came home empty handed.

    I wish we could all start again, and do over.

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  3. Michele9 July 2009 at 17:22

    Sometimes all I wish for is a do-over. I promise God that, if I could just have that do-over, with the information I have now, I would do better. I promise...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Tina9 July 2009 at 17:47

    Me too...I want a do-over.

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  5. Sophie9 July 2009 at 20:34

    What I wouldn't give for a do over. I so wish we could all start again. :(

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  6. Mirne10 July 2009 at 02:44

    I only want a do-over if I can have different outcomes, otherwise NO WAY.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Aegeus Stone10 July 2009 at 08:19

    Being present in this moment is hard.

    I keep coming back to this...that being present in this moment is th ebest gift, and sometimes sacrifice, I can give my wife and my children, living and dead.

    I feel like a fireman who missed the fire and came upon a smoking pile of ashes too late to do anything at all. I feel I fiale dmy son and wife. I feel useless. And it's har dot come back to the present moment and serve after that.

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  8. Catherine W10 July 2009 at 09:52

    Ach Mirne. Too right. I would have to insert a qualifier. I want a do-over IF I can the same outcome or a better one. NOT a worse one.

    One of the weird side-effects of having a surviving twin I suppose is that I would do it all over again, even if the outcome was the same. I just wish I could have clearer memories of Georgina and of being pregnant. To try and fix her in my mind. She slipped away from me so quickly. Like a dream.

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  9. Inanna10 July 2009 at 11:43

    I want to start again, too... I know I can't go back... but I would like to move forward. I really would.

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